So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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