I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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