im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
im having a threesome with these popsicles
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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