nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
