I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Randomize
