Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Randomize