I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
