I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I think my fart just growled at me.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Randomize
