Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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