Can i not drive my cunt home
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
