When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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