sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize