Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
