3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
