Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
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