Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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