she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Randomize
