I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
