spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Randomize
