Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
