He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
