Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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