hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
