how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
