the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
