I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
