It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
