i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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