dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
