Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
