Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
