i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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