We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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