I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
