It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
