I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
