She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
