I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
