i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
