Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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