I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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