Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
