So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
