i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
