i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
