instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
