All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
