ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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