i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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