i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
