Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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