When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
