I just made out with a guy for $7.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
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