and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I'm both gender and math confused
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
