peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize