you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
