Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
