people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize