he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
