My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
