Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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