I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Such a big mess for such a small penis
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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