What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
