I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
