we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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