I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I think i got beer on your cat.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
